my smiling face.


i'm moving.
moving as in moving journal spaces.
mark and i shut down not too long ago.
and many of the people that knew about sarahandi know about this.
i said i wasn't going to blog anymore.
but seriously...
how am i not supposed to blog about accidentally stepping on my eyeglasses and rebending them back to their original state?
and about watching punk drunk love and falling in love with it?
and how much i love this february's issue of domino magazine?
or about what my friend trat just journaled about and how much i loved what she had to say?

not sure what purpose my new space is meant to serve. nothing too deep, i hope. that always seems to get me in trouble. atleast when i'm letting the whole world wide web in on it. but, we'll see.

e-mail me for my new location...and, if i don't already know who you are, please tell me your name and a sentence or two about yourself. that'd be nice. :) - thenks.

i probably won't be coming back here to check this so please don't leave comments asking for might not get any answers.



+ mark. always.
+ sudoku.
+ sourz.
+ apples to apples.
+ finding out that we no longer owe the hospital thousands of dollars in hospital fees.
+ a new year on the way.

- neck pains.
- feelings of inadequacy.
  • Current Mood
    blah blah
my smiling face.


make-up and hair-cuts and texas sized cinnamon rolls.
cards with bubbles.
leaves and fuzzy sweaters and jeans the right size.
pesto pasta and vanilla bean cheesecake.
strawberry ritas and lupe tortilla.
butterflies and p.j.'s and david sedaris.
birthday calls, songs, and messages.
people i love and people who love me.

best birthday ever.

i am really blessed.
more so than i let myself realize sometimes.

i praise God for another year of life.

and a husband that's amazing.
  • Current Mood
    touched touched


really battling with the way i look right now.

i know it could be worse in so many different ways and that i'm truly blessed with all that i have, but it's just so hard to not be frustrated when nothing in my closet fits but a few pieces of clothing. and what does fit...doesn't fit like it should. if you've noticed that the jeans i'm wearing look familiar, it's because they are. i wear them every day. they're all that fit.

this year has been oh-so-great but oh-so-hard. both combined have not been all that great to my body or my self image.

and i do know, there are more important things in life. and my husband still thinks i'm beautiful.

i'm just a girl living in a world that is telling me anything bigger than a size two can't be perfect...can't be good enough. paranoid and afraid to be treated any less than the version of me that once fit into a size zero and complained that old navy's smallest was too big.

not looking for feedback...just being honest.
bathroom shoes.


wal*mart has rotisserie chicken. and to think i never knew this and i've been paying two dollars more for it everywhere else. we hadn't had rotisserie chicken in awhile and were only going to get it if wal*mart had it since we were making a stop there on the way home. 'twas nummy! they have a few flavors: honey roasted, jalapeno, regular, and lemon pepper. we got lemon pepper. these are nice things to know. we ate it with steamed rice and green beans, which we made at home, so we ate dinner for less than five bucks. love that.

blockbuster has 2 for $5 rentals on favorites (non-new releases). i don't know if it's just a limited time thing, but it's a pretty good deal since, sometimes, we don't always watch movies the night we rent them...or even within the week after renting them. and since they're already five day releases and blockbuster has pretty much given you an extra week after your rental period to get your movies back, it's not a bad deal at all. it's more money than redbox but the deal is on older movies which redbox doesn't have and if you're one to take your time watching movies or are bad about returning movies back within a few days of renting them, it can be a better deal than just mind up paying for the days you keep your movie out upfront. so, tonight, i was in a total mel gibson directing mood after watching apocolypto. i was in a mood to watch braveheart and after mark teased about watching passion of the christ too, i actually felt like watching that as well. so we rented both. the 2 for $5 thing only works if you rent two movies anyway. 'cause if you rent only one favorite, it's 4.65 so so worth the extra for 35 cents.

from rotisserie chickens to dvd rentals. i guess i'm all about the sales pitches tonight.

i'm going to get off here and wrap a couple more of the gifts we got tonight, maybe pop in a movie i'll prolly fall asleep watching, but i definitely plan on falling asleep before midnight and i think i just might be able to do it!
  • Current Music
    some dave matthews song mark is playing from upstairs.
my smiling face.


if anyone was curious as to how i did with resetting my sleep chedule...not good. i ended up falling asleep at like seven am and waking up at twelve pm. THEN, last night mark decides that he wants to reset his schedule with me (even though he doesn't need to!- he can fall asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow!). unfortunately (well, fortunately), he had had a full night's sleep the night before, and i hadn't and was already feeling tired by around ten but i decided to give it another try...especially if mark was all over doing it with me.

so, yeah, it didn't work. even though mark ended up having more sleep than me, he totally fell asleep before me. however, i wasn't so great and ended up crashing a couple hours after he did. it's so hard for me to pull all nighters now-a-days! especially when it's not because i have to. without school and no major projects, i find myself trying to think of ways to keep me busy and it just seems to magnify the fact of how tired i am. *sigh* maybe i'm just getting too old.

on another note, ToM finally came...after being nearly two months late. i really don't know what the deal is. but, i've been craving chocolate like a crazy the past couple of days...and that seems about right. i definitely only crave chocolate like this on this time of the month. it's pretty scary how fast i've been able to put away a box of charleston chews. eeee.

on that note, does anybody recommend a local gym? particularly one that might give a discount on a couple joining? i know nothing about gyms and, to be honest, i am way too scared to go to one and talk to someone for fear of them trying to steal my soul for a membership. i've heard some pretty horrific stories about gyms. so, the fact that i actually am considering signing mark and me up for one is proof that we are just really that desperate. i'd just really like to have a heads-up before we consider going to any specific gym and talking to anybody. thanks, in advance, for any guidance!

right now, i'm waiting for mark to finish up some work so we can run out. not exactly sure what we'll be doing, but it'll be nice to get out of the house. even though i'm not really sure what's going on with our sleep schedules, mark seems really well rested and it's always good to see him that way. i, on the other hand, am feeling pretty exhausted...but it's really not too bad.

we watched a late showing of apocolypto last night. 'twas a very visual movie but really very all mel gibson's films tend to be. i don't see myself watching it again anytime soon...not only because it was long, but because it was just a lot to watch. after the movie, we decided to make it a double feature night and stopped at the redbox to rent the devil wears prada. that one was all right. it was the kind of movie i probably wouldn't have paid over eight bucks to watch in a theater, but it was amusing enough for the dollar eight we paid to rent it.

i got more gifts wrapped, ribboned, and tagged for under the tree. i love gift wrapping...ESPECIALLY during this time of the year. my christmas wrapping items of choice: lots of red and green colors in wrapping paper, self-adhesive tags, and curling ribbon. all of which, i was able to buy at wal*mart for under ten bucks. i really love and appreciate thoughtful and pretty gift wrap/packaging and target has a lot of that, but we really can't afford to pay over five bucks for a roll of wrapping paper. especially not this year. maybe i can sneak in after the season and buy some rolls for a good percentage off and save them for next year. this reminds me...oh, how i would love to have a gift wrapping station...



anyway, i'll stop being so obviously nerdy. the mandyness is coming in from turkey tomorrow late afternoon for close to a whole month (!!!) and we're, ofcourse, all sorts of excited about that.

yahoot. hope everyone has a fab weekend.
  • Current Mood
    good good
my smiling face.


so last night, at the last minute, i agreed to hold creative team meeting at our place. creative team, if that's what we're calling it...go figure, being a creative team we haven't come up with a better name. we were too busy thinking of other things! i'll refer to mark about this later.

anyway, back to what i was talking about. it was actually me who had the great idea to hold the meeting at our place since mark and i really don't have the money to spend eating out when we don't need to. and i also felt unnaturally and randomly comfortable with making a decision as such on the spur of the moment.

i was going to go for something simple like spaghetti and frozen fruit since it was supposed to be more than a few people and, let's face it, that's all we can afford for a bigger group of people. but mark talked me into making creme brulee. we haven't had it for awhile. i was hesitant at first because it didn't seem like it would go well with spaghetti, but really what does creme brulee NOT go well with? besides, i know no french dishes. yeah, so the creme brulee really was a hit. i always feel proud of myself when i make that. it's just so tasty, easy, and seems a lot more gourmet than it really is.

the meeting was a good one. it only ended up being four people because a couple others didn't end up making it out. it was good, though. we came up with a lot of good ideas and it was actually really nice to be able to bounce ideas off more than one person (mark and me, for mark). plus, kyle and jaimee are a funny couple...and they just so happen to be extremely nice as well so that made for a good time. so, we definitely have two extra creme brulees (i've already promised one to maryanna and i think it goes without saying that mark gets the other-- he's crazy about the stuff!) and lots of left overs that will, no doubt, be eaten tomorrow.

random fact: i hate leftover spaghetti re-warmed up. i have to eat it cold!

i do have weird tastes if you didn't already notice from the last post.

we finally got the stockings hung tonight and i got some presents wrapped and put under the tree. i know i promised pictures, but we really have been extremely busy and when we're not doing something, the last thing on our minds is uploading pictures. i think it'd be easier if the only time mark wasn't on his computer would be a time that we're not already doing something together or if my computer could handle the 600+ picture upload.

however, i guess right now would be a good time to do something like that. especially considering the fact that i am going to be pulling an all nighter. and, ofcourse, mark is sleeping. he told me to wake him up four hours after he falls asleep so that he could be with me while i try to stay up, but i really don't think i will be able to. he's just been so tired and stressed out lately. i'm sure sleep is a nice escape for him. plus, i'd feel so bad seeing him miserable and tired and trying to stay awake because of me.

my sleep schedule is out of wack. i am back to not being able to sleep easy at nights. i'll lay awake for atleast an hour before i realize that it's just not happening and i have to get up and do something. this past week, i haven't been sleeping any earlier than four am and i haven't been getting up any earlier than 11. it's like my mind doesn't want to rest until my body forces it to. i hate it...and mark does too. tonight, he said we needed to do something about it. so we did some research online on how to correct sleep cycles and the most common method was to stay awake through the night and stick it out to the next day. pretty much by the time tomorrow evening rolls around, i'll be so exhausted i'll fall asleep at a decent time and wake up at a decent time. sounds good! i really hope it works. i tried something similar a few weeks ago when i had this problem. i ended up taking a two hour nap the next day and it turned out that's all i needed because that night i couldn't sleep still. reeeeally hoping that doesn't happen again.

maybe i'll go try to figure mark's computer out and get some more pictures uploaded. then, ofcourse, i will share them.

ps: mark and i bought fruity and cocoa pebbles at h-e-b last night for .99 a box w/ an in-store coupon. envy us! unless, ofcourse, you got the deal yourself. i think the sale goes on until the 19th so it's not too late!
  • Current Music
    camera obscura [in my head].


so, a couple weeks ago, i placed an order on and just today, i get a message saying part of my order was cancelled due to them not having the item i ordered. even though delivery estimation on the day i had ordered the items had come and gone. and even though it was part of someone's gift, that's fine...we're pretty low on money at the moment anyway and i'm sure could find something comparable. so, i go to check when the delivery estimate is for the rest of what i ordered, and it said, between dec. 23 - dec. 27. wha? on an order i placed a couple weeks ago? no way. i cancelled the whole thing. i'm just glad that it doesn't seem they charged the account until they were ready to ship it to me. however, it is sort of frustrating that i could have ordered something and not expect to receive it until a month or more later. especially when the delivery estimation they gave me when i was checking out was 5-9 days.

sure it probably has something to do with it being the holidays and there being a lot of people ordering online, but still. it shouldn't be THAT backed up that they don't have a better handle on it. i haven't heard the greatest things about target's online shopping. and their return policy kinda' sucks, too. one of the many reasons being: you can't return an item that you purchased online back to the store unless it's something they are currently carrying in the stores. it too much to just take it and ship it back with whatever other shipments they would send back for whatever reason? target stores and target online should be one and the same. kinda' ridiculous. if it weren't for the fact that they had so many cute things for decent prices, i don't think i'd even bother with target. i think i'll just stick to buying instore/offline when it comes to target.
my smiling face.


for the first time in my life, i find myself distracted from music.

i noticed this a few weeks ago when sitting in my sister's car as she jumped from artist to artist to see if i'd like any of them. i found myself forcing myself to give the artist allowances for having even the slightest of an interesting sound...and by the time i was halfway through what may have been the the third song, i realized that i wasn't even listening to the words...or music for that matter. that i was concentrating on the simple amusement of the colors of a dark night

i don't know if it's just hard to find good music now-a-days. or the fact that whenever you do find an artist worth listening to, it's only a matter of time before a million other artists realize it works and take their style, make it old, and just another cd worth six bucks on a rack in walmart. cliche voices...average lyrics...or even profound and distinct voices singing lyrics saying the words we wish we could say. the words we wish we came up with. and if it does happen to be just simply good music, the radio kills it. and teeny boppers that wear death cab and rilo kiley because they think it'll make them look good. nothing's sacred.

maybe i'm being cynical. three years ago i wouldn't believe i'd ever say such things.

i've just found music's become like a sick fashion. people wear artists like they wear a t-shirt and pair of jeans. people admire others for their cd collections instead of their manners...instead of what matters. so often are feelings and opinions through words already spoken through song after song after song. they're all sayin' the same thing with borrowed sounds, voices, and experiences. i'm tired of hearing it over and over. when none of them know how i feel. none of them know what i've been through. none of them can speak through me. none of them are speaking to me. they're not mine...they're not for me. and they want my money.

it's not that i'm too cool for music. it's just that i've found myself at a place where i can say and feel that my thoughts, my feelings, and my experiences have become my own music. the sound of my husband working upstairs, my cat bounding up then down the stairs, the wind blowing coldly and the leaves rustling sweet chimes against it. that branch from the magnolia tree in our neighbor's backyard that scrapes ever so gently against one of the back windows on our second floor. those are of the sweetest of sounds. my music. i can touch them...feel them. they're simple and pure. and not for sale to everyone.

maybe this is my new fashion. my new pair of jeans. maybe next year i'll look back at this post and say, "well, that was silly."

but, right now, it works for me.
  • Current Music
    an airplane in the distance.